Five Deals for the Arroyos: Deal or No Deal?

2011 Award for the Person Who Ate the Largest
TV Airtime: DOJ Secretary Leila de Lima

Last week, we have seen the Aquino government shift into high gear and engage in real-life teledrama as they raced to the airport to put a hold on former president and Pamapanga Representative Gloria Arroyo's departure for a scheduled check-up in Singapore, and eventually have her arrested before she managed to hop on that plane and "escape". Of course, President Aquino and Secretary Lacierda praised and aspiring 2013 senatorial candidate Department of Justice Secretary Leila de Lima for defying the Supreme Court's decision of allowing RGMA to seek medical assistance abroad her commendable act of having the infamous representative arrested. Although what she did has put the executive and judiciary branches of the government in the middle of a compromising situation: a constitutional crisis as some experts call it, at least Gloria's in the country and would be forced to answer the allegations.

Gloria Arroyo doesn't need a head gear,
she needs a secondary opinion.

But isn't this a bit riskier, considering the fact that the former president's health might drastically deteriorate, and eventually die in the middle of her trial without being able to answer the various accusations people have been throwing at her? I say that we let her go on that planned trip, but we have to lay out some terms to ensure that they're coming back. This doesn't go to show that what she's doing questions and undermines the capability of our local doctors. No. If we look at it, she even went to one of the best hospitals in the country to have her condition cured. But two failed surgeries, and it made her condition worse. If she was all about escaping all the hullabaloos she was involved in, then why did she even wait for such a long time before having herself checked at some foreign country? She could have done this much earlier, while she was still healthier. This is all about second opinions, a common practice in the medical field. Better doctors, better diagnosis, better chances of recuperating in a shorter time.

So if I were de Lima and Aquino, I'm all up for her to leave the country. But she and her family should agree with the following (human rights-violating and unconstitutional) conditions :

Ferdinand Topacio: Man's got some balls.

1. Battle Royale-inspired: They must wear a tracking device on their necks wherever they go. If they try to remove it, it will explode.
2. They would use their families and all of their assets as collateral in the event they go hiding. If they manage to remove the collar devices without exploding (chances are 99% it will explode if removed), the government will seize everything they own here and have every relative down to three degrees of separation hunted and arrested.
3. In a less grave deal, just have them phone in every hour about their whereabouts. The moment they fail to call in, number two will be implemented.
4. Have Secretary de Lima follow the Arroyos to Singapore, with a matching 50-man entourage of bodyguards to follow them around. Costly? Who said the government's paying for it?
5. Have Atty. Topacio's family jewels be cut live on-air, which will be aired on every television network. Host would be, of course, Leila de Lima. Special show will be called #itlognitopacio.